Screaming in the dark

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I just filled a quatrezillion Halloween bags (about 20) in preparation. I hid a pressure activated scary voice under our front door mat,”wha ha ha, come in if you dare.”

First, how come I never saw the little voice box the sound comes out of when I was little and heard that at someone’s house? I mean, it is just sitting right out there. Whatever. Probably the other people who used something like that went through the trouble to decorate their entrance and hide the box.

EJD and I did carve a pumpkin though. It’s cute.

Next: usually I try to black out a tooth, wear a witch hat and rattle my voice when I hold out the candy bowl for little hands. I probably won’t this year. I’m mean at 15 and 18  my kids are too old; I have put in my time.

I don’t like it when older kids come to my door for candy, and if you are going to do that at least dress up. Make an effort! I’m talking high school kids here, and I will say something, I have said something two years in a row.

To a couple of girls I simply said, “You are too old.” Now I kind of regret that because at least they tried. That incident was two years ago and I’m sure their parents said the same thing when they left the house. When they came to the door I could hear my father telling me the same thing when I wanted to keep trick or treating. I think.  But the more I think about that one the worse I feel.

Then last year I asked an older teen what his costume was; he had on jeans and a T-shirt. His two friends dressed up minimally, but at least they made an effort toward faking it. I no longer remember what the lackadaisical young man said but I remember he did go for humor. A positive sign.

This year I’m a little afraid. That’s what it has come to in this day and age. What if, gord forbid, I shut down shop and the older kids WHO WANT SOME CANDY DAMMIT get mad? Deep Breath. Yoga pose in my mind. Calm. Serene. Peaaacceee.

Do you think they will throw rocks at my front window if they hear the TV on? Should I sit in the dark until all possibility of a cloaked minor seeking sweets has vanished? What if they BANG ON MY DOOR crying with their mouths hanging open like that “Scream” mask?

Allow me to digress for a moment. When HRD, my now 18-year-old daughter, was about 12 she had a group of girls over for a birthday slumber party. We set up the big movie screen downstairs and the little pajama clad beauties huddled together and watched scary movies.

My husband, the father of our beautiful, sweet, trusting daughter put on a scream mask and stealthily crept outside into the dark night. He BANGED on the uncurtained window and pressed his masked face against the glass.

(Pause.) He really had a super, super great time with that. Let me say that again, HE really had a super great time with that. After the terror induced screams subsided one girl confessed that her father had once done something similar. Knowing that I didn’t feel quite so bad. The Dude had explained it to me exactly that way as I was protesting the “project” he was about to undertake.

“It’s what dads do!” he said. He was so eager to create that little bit of theater for those innocents. Now it’s a fun story for our girl.

Anyway. I made candy bags this year. Each little bag contains a miniature Nerds, Laffy Taffy, Tootsie Pop and my favorite, Bottle Caps. So fun. Surprises when they are good, are the best.

Surprises when they are not fun, might make you SCREAM!

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