I love you, tell me your name


It is done. Sort of. Anything could happen, really. But the house sold within two weeks, it was my goal and I had to make sure it happened, I did everything with in my powers anyway.

Below is the view a half block from where we will live:

24451 Santa Clara Ave, Dana Point, CA 92629

But to get there, I had to sell a home here in humid, overheated, land-locked (but family friendly and ostensibly well-mannered) Charlotte, NC. Well, the Realtor and his ilk sold the home. But I got it ready. I mean the people who worked on it got it ready…

The windows were re-calked, big bushes pulled from their roots to accommodate new landscaping, two bathrooms were retiled and retooled and new carpeting and paint put in the entire house. A massive undertaking in a short amount of time.  I used the most inexpensive labor I could find and as one comedian says I “got her done.”

During the course of the update, I discovered something fascinating about, well (throat clearing here) me. Me me me. I have been depressed. I thought the reason I wanted to lay in my bed a great deal was because of my M.S. sucking the lifeblood from my body. But, no. It was just …  me.

When depression (I am not talking clinical here, just state of mind) sneaks up it disguises itself. That’s how it maneuvers around healthy gatekeepers like joy, happiness and positive self-worth. Excuses are the lifeblood of consequences for many under achievers, and I proudly count myself among those who use them freely. But I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to live.

My son and I depart for California very soon. I am super afraid. Afraid of flying. Afraid of landing. Afraid of the ride from the airport to our home. Afraid once we get to our home we won’t be able to afford it. There is PLENTY more where those fears come from, believe me. I’m afraid to meet my husband’s new boss and colleagues. I am afraid my boy won’t find the comfort of acceptance. I need electroshock therapy to eradicate my worries.

But my mother is coming out for a visit with my sister and her kids. Family is the thing I have really missed living across the country. Without family nearby it’s easy to feel displaced, especially living in North Carolina where family is part of the state’s backbone. Not to say I want to live next door to my nearest and dearest. But a few hours driving distance? Perfect.

See everyone soon, or the opposite. Hello, goodbye someone said once. I say it again.


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